Late September 2005
InsidEar at Disneyworld
Greetings
fellow Earthlings!
Sorry to have crushed so many hopes and dreams
with my unbearable absence for the month of September. I've been diligently
working to uncover the answer to a question that has been bothering me for some
time -- where did all of our favorite long-gone Disneyland rides and
attractions go? The answer, it turns out, is Walt Disney World! So hop on,
fasten your safety belts and keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all
times while you ride with me on this trip down faulty memory lane... Here we
go!
A
Day in the Life of the InsidEar
Well,
it summertime a great time to get away from the hustle a bustle of everyday
life which involves visiting Disneyland nearly everyday so I can report on the
things that matter most to my adoring fans. I've got the OK to take a vacation
from the management team at DisneyLies.com, as long as I do it on my own time
and report back to work Monday morning. For my vacation I have decided to do a
piece on “retro” attractions that are no longer available at Disneyland but
have been moved to Walt Disney World where your typical guest has not become
tired of them. Many of you have written and asked what a typical day in my
exciting life is like, so I AM -- going to keep a diary for the next 24 hours.
This trip will give me a much needed break and also hey, the diary makes the
whole thing completely tax deductible!
Saturday night
12:00 AM -- I find myself
dropped off at the LAX with tickets in hand for Orlando, FL. It seems that I
need a little R&R from my hard work at Disneyland so I have decided to take
a break and visit Walt Disney World instead.
12:13 AM -- The folks at
RatTrips.com told me that my assigned sub-subcoach seat
(a stool, really, just outside the restroom) would arrive in Orlando at the
same time as the seats in first class. At least I won't have to worry about
falling asleep or sitting through a bad movie! It seems odd, but I AM -- the
only one on the plane wearing golden Mickey Mouse ears. At least all the coffee
I've been drinking to keep me awake so I won't fall in the aisle will have me
good and alert for the long day ahead of me.
Several time zones later...
7:57 AM -- After a long
monotonous trip and a rather rough landing (well in sight of the runway) I have
arrived at Orlando. The first thing I notice is the extreme humidity. Wow, I
was not expecting this -- after all it's only September! I grab a towel and a quick
bit to eat and wait for Disney's Magical Express shuttle service. I had to ask
several cabbies and limo drivers how to get to the Magical Express shuttle stop
and got a lot of nasty looks. I guess the Disney magic doesn't begin at the
airport!
8:43 AM -- On the shuttle: Boy is it hot out here.
Took some quiet time to call my wife and let her know I have arrived safely. She
sounded kind of cranky and muttered something about it being in the middle of
the night, I assured her the sun came up hours ago. What a wonderful, wacky
woman!
9:07 AM -- We are finally on Disney property, I AM
-- trying to spot the Matterhorn, but there are just
too many trees! Soon we will be at the gates!
9:11 AM -- I had the shuttle driver drop me at the
ticket and transportation center. Why waste time checking into a hotel when I
can go straight to the Magic Kingdom! While we were talking, I showed the
driver the Magical Express luggage tags that Disney had sent me before my trip
and asked him what I was supposed to do with them. He says they were supposed
to go on my luggage. Who knew? Well, at least all my stuff will be ready for me
at the airport when I'm ready to go home.
9:24 AM -- Got my ticket and will soon enter the
Magic Kingdom! I AM -- very excited as this is my first trip. Still cannot see
the Matterhorn.
9:25 AM -- It turns out
that it's not necessarily a good idea to buy a "partially used"
Disney World ticket on eBay. The cast member at the gate pointed out that my
ticket was for the 1964 World's Fair and wasn't good for park admission. I'm
standing in line to buy more politically correct ticket media and preparing to
kiss another $100-and-something goodbye.
9:30 AM -- Here's
something they don't have at Disneyland -- a thing at the gate where you have
to stick your finger in to be scanned before they let you in. It's called
barometric measurement and helps stop some kind of bad thing or another. I
asked the cast member if I could use my toe instead of my finger and he said
okay.
9:37 AM -- Inside the gate and ready to hunt down
the new homes of old favorites! First things first, I decide to visit my dear
friend Abraham Lincoln. Everything looks familiar but I AM -- feeling a little
disoriented since it seems they put the opera house in Libertyland
-- whatever that is!
10:35 AM -- What a
pleasant surprise, Abe Lincoln now has lots of friends to chat with. Good show!
Now for a little adventure to Tommorowland.
10:42 AM -- What a blast from the past, first I
found the home of our beloved People Mover, I took a ride and it was exactly as
I remembered it except for the covered track and the linear induction motors
which give a unique feel to the ride. What a great way to move high volumes of
people around the park -- Disneyland management should take note! The ride is
very enjoyable as it wanders throughout Tommorowland,
in and out of the buildings giving me a tremendous overview of the some of the
exciting things in store for me today. As I write this I AM -- looking at the
20,000 leagues under the sea attraction. I will certainly check that out later.
11:11
AM -- Another favorite long removed from Disneyland sits at the corner of Tommorrowland -- The Carousel of Progress. After a quick Orange
Julius I will go give that oldie a spin.
11:48 AM -- Wow, those were some great memories. Rumors
have stated that the original Carousel of Progress cast had been “repurposed” and put
to work at the Disneyland Jungle Cruise selling shrunken heads, but rest
assured they are all here at Walt Disney World.
12:35 PM -- Well, I AM -- not doing too bad
considering I just came back from Mars. The lines were short as many people do
not realize that Mission to Mars is here hidden between Space Mountain and the Carousel of Progress (and even fewer realize that the
"Cast Members Only" door near the entrance leads to Mission to the
Moon). It was great to see Mr. Tom Morrow, hear that great joke about a bird
tripping the sensors, and feel the G-forces at liftoff. One question I always
had is why don't we see the theme park below us as we lift off? I always
assumed that the blast from the rockets had burnt it to a crisp.
12:51
PM -- I saw a man who looked like a Native American and asked him if he was one
of the dancers from the original Disneyland Ceremonial Dance Circle. No such
luck (and I got my second not-very-magical look of the day).
1:15 PM -- 20,000 Leagues Under
the Sea: It's all here, Captain Nemo, full size
replicas of the Nautilus and giant squids -- what a great ride. (OK, I know
that Disneyland had ordinary submarines and not 20,000 Leagues but it was still
a blast). The only thing that made it less than perfect is that they've built a
Winnie the Pooh play area over the top of the whole thing so there's no natural
sunlight anymore, and you have to enter the ride through Rabbit's house.
2:02 PM -- Adventure Thru Inner Space: Here at
Walt Disney World there is plenty of room for all kinds of rides, in fact
whenever a ride is closed at Disneyland they just pack it up and bring it over
here. My wife and I have many fond memories of this classic Monsanto ride with
its seeming privacy, long stretches of darkness, and gigantic staring
animatronic eyeball...
2: 48 PM -- a quick stop in Fantasyland to ride on Peter
Pan. This isn't the Disneyland original, but inside it is the old Disneyland
Skull Rock and Chicken of the Sea
pirate ship restaurant! I'd jump off for a bite, but I've got a dinner
reservation.
3:27 PM -- Time for some real food at the Tahitian
Terrace then we will venture through the rest of Adventureland!
4:16 PM -- Tiki Room: What
a refreshing joy to visit the Tiki Room and
experience the untouched original show. All of the songs are here, some of the
flowers and totem pole were not working, dust was on
everything -- just like it used to be.
5:37 PM -- Jungle Cruise: All of the same old
jokes are here, it's like nothing has changed. What a great experience.
6:03 PM -- Swiss Family Robinson Tree House: Looks
just like I remembered it as a kid, too bad the team at Disneyland had to “fix” their
tree house.
6:47 PM -- Back to Tomorrowland:
Just a couple of things to catch before I end my trip. For the entire 50th anniversary celebration the Circle Vision
Theater will be playing the original America the Beautiful presentation (the one where they film
locations across America without managing to spot a single minority).
7:15 Space Mountain: America the Beautiful sure brought back some fond memories. I guess
I AM -- reminded of what Disneyland was all about. Right now I AM -- in line
for the original Space Mountain ride. Improvements are not necessary, despite
what those at a certain California park may think -- I
just want to go on a great ride!
7:44 I've got time for one more show, so it's off
to the Country Bear Jamboree! I know that they had one of these here before
Disneyland's closed, so I sort of expected to see two of each bear. That was
not the case, and a cast member told me that they have the bears working in
shifts.
8:30 PM -- Central Plaza: What could be more retro
Disneyland then the original Main Street Electrical Parade? Only
here at Walt Disney World.
9:45 PM -- Main Street: Great Fireworks show, but I'm
feeling homesick and AM -- going to cut the trip short. So it's off to the
Disney Shuttle bus and back to the airport to visit my luggage!
2:21 AM -- LAX: It's great to be back home again
as my wife and my three kids, Crystal, Snowflake, and Monsanto, meet me after
an exhausting business trip. (I never tell them where I go because after all I
AM -- the InsidEar!)
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