June 2005
Wal-Mart -- The "New" Disney Store?, Disney Secret Revealed, Indy Makeover, InsidEar Mailbag
Wal-Mart -- The "New" Disney Store?
This summer Disney and Wal-mart are teaming up to bring the very finest Disney merchandise commercials to a Wal-Mart near you! Wal-Mart TV has an estimated viewer base of 140 million people. The average viewer sees at least 7 minutes of targeted advertising while making their way through one of the massive, ubiquitous Wal-Mart stores. Look for Disney related DVD's, socks, underwear and plush toys to be advertised at a Wal-Mart near you!
"The Disney Stores were simply no longer needed as part of over overall strategy" said Phil Hasben of Disney Global Marketing. "It made no sense to pay outrages rental fees to malls across the country and just sell a few plush toys and video tapes. Wal-mart's brick-and-mortar infrastructure infests communities throughout this country, and we can reap the benefits of their omnipresence at absolutely no cost to The Walt Disney Company. This is an opportunity that simply cannot be missed."
Through September 30, your local "Wal-Disney-Mart" is offering for sale a unique collector's item: the "My Buddy Eisner" doll. Children will have hours of fun with this amazing, high-tech toy. Rub his tummy and "Eisner" will say one of seven witty saying such as "Let's raise Admission prices!", "Who needs Annual Pass Holders?", "Roy Who?", or "Vote for Igor!". The doll also has special "Executive LifeTM" software, allowing it to recognize individual children and shun or attempt to throw out of the house those that will not play what it wants to play. This deluxe figure come complete with three piece suit and a "Mint Condition" gold Mickey Mouse Hat that he can hold in his hand. The InsidEar asked why the doll couldn't wear the hat, and apparently no matter what size the they made the hat Eisner's head was always a little too large. What a fantastic Disney collectible, every child will want one of these!
Disney Secret Revealed!
 Fifty years ago Walt had some little secrets built right into his new park to be enjoyed by future generations. Everyone knows that Walt was a civil war buff and was particularly fond of President Lincoln, and as a tribute to Lincoln, Walt had many Abe Lincoln silhouettes placed throughout the park to be found by unsuspecting guests. Since most of these images have been found over time and well documented at HiddenLincolns.org what do you suppose the chances would be for the InsidEar himself to find the biggest and best "Hidden Lincoln" of all? What makes this even more interesting is that this particular "Hidden Lincoln" cannot be seen from anywhere inside the park!
Amazing but true: as I was approaching the Main Street landing pad in the InsidEar "Chopper 1" for the DisneyLies.com private party on May 4th (You guys missed a good thing!) I made an amazing discovery and was able to snap a few pictures. Who would believe the foresight Walt had to create this large image and to realize it may take fifty years for it to be discovered? I'm sure I am the first one to find it. I think I should get a prize or something.
Indy Makeover
The clock is ticking, The park has been painted, the last few rides are coming out of refurb, and the Summer crowds are here. But what to do with the old Indiana Jones attraction? "A decade is enough!" ranted Jay Rascal, head of Walt Disney Attractions. "Nobody wants to sit through the same adventure for ten years running." According to Rascal, it is definitely time to update this old attraction, based on a 1981 movie (that was not even produced by Disney, more's the pity). Rascal also notes "From a marketing standpoint, Jones has been a complete wash. The attraction promotes only a single action figure. Come on, what were they thinking? We need to sell more action figures, and do something to make up for the whole Plush Indiana Jones fiasco -- we still have a warehouse full of those things! Think of what Wal-Mart could do with this!"
Who are you going to call?
Rascal placed a quick call to ABC studios and in no time at all had arranged Ty Nickledon and his crew at Extreme Home Makeover to spruce up the old place. Not to worry, they will not be demolishing the show building (after all they only have a week!), just gutting the interior and changing a few show elements to bring this tired old attraction more up to date. Faster then you can say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Ty Nickledon and his crew came up with a fantastic new plan that that will fix many of the issues with the existing ride. Which brings us to...
Introducing Disney's "A" Team Adventure!
The first step in remaking the Indiana Jones Adventure attraction is doing away with the outdated Indiana Jones movie theme and replacing it with a newer "more hip" theme, namely "The A Team." According to a certain high-up Disney officer, this 1983 television series is still very popular with many teenage guests who were not even born during the "Raiders of the Lost Ark" era.
The ride's new storyline: A desperate call from Donald Duck goes out to the "A" Team: can they rescue Huey, Dewy and Louie before Cruella DeVil turns them into feather beds? It's a big job and the "A" Team can't do it alone, so they need your help! Will you assist Hannibal, Face, Murdock, and B.A. in this adventure? Of course you will!
Pile into a custom black 1979 Ford Econoline van and make a mad rush to see which one of three freeway on ramps you will take to try and find the kidnapped ducks. Fight congestion and erratic divers during rush hour traffic. Beware the narrow alleyways as gang members shoot you with air rifles. Suddenly an earthquake and the overpass ahead is swaying in the wind. Can you make it? Oh no! A tanker truck has fallen over the edge and a large ball of fire narrowly missed you. And snakes -- why does it have to be huge gold-chain-wearing, Mohawked snakes? A few more narrow back streets and you are confronted by a large semi truck on a hill rolling right towards you. You will be killed for sure! Your quick thinking driver backs up and saves the day!
At the ride exit is a mock up of a Wal-Mart toy isle with "A" Team action figures and a collection of Huey, Dewy and Louie plush toys and puppets for sale. Signs show the "A" Team thanking guests for their help, with the tag line, "We pity the fool that doesn't take an action figure home!"
Production note: Since the makeover team has only been given a week to perform the ride's transformation, the AudioAnimatronics figures will not be installed immediately. Disney has contracted with Los Angeles Mime Entertainment (L.A.M.E.) company and will have mimes standing in for "A" Team members until the figures can be added. This is a great cost saving device for Disney as mimes have no need to eat, drink, or socialize, and as far as breaks go.... just what exactly does a mime take a break from anyway?
The InsidEar does not have a specific date for this changeover. However, it is scheduled to be complete some time in early summer. If you see the Indiana Jones attraction shut down for any reason, rest assured that it's because they are working on the update. Be sure to let the cast members know how much you are looking forward to this great new ride!
Further update: There are rumors that, if this attraction proves successful, we might see some kind of Starsky and Hutch overlay for the Autopia and Innoventions could be replaced (finally!) by The Mod Squad Carrousel of Cool.
 InsidEar -- Trading Pins
Thanks to all of the folks who showed up at the exclusive DisneyLies.com party on May 4. As a surprise to our guest we had 1955 custom trading pins made up to commemorate this once-in-a-lifetime occasion. These are high-quality pins made with 24k gold leaf and a baked enamel finish. All of our guest got a free pin on May 4th, but I just have a few left (about 1922).
Disney policy prohibits us from selling these pins in the park itself, but if you spot me simply "drop" a quarter on the ground and I will accidentally "drop" your trading pin! We are not trying to make money off of you -- all we want to do is to recoup our investment. At least we got a great deal from the gold leaf guy.
InsidEar Mail Bag
 Dear InsidEar,
Why of all day's did Disney decide to kick off the 50th aniversary celebration on Cinco De Mayo?
José
Dear José,
It is a perplexingly puzzling problem as to why they choose to disrespect an important religious holiday such as Cinco De Mayo. Anybody who doesn't understand its incredible significance to southerners such as yourself should receive a stern lecture. You should register your compliant with city hall.
VIVA! el CINCO DE MAYO!!
The InsidEar
 Dear InsidEar;
Can you tell me what best job is at Disneyland?
Mark
Dear Mark,
The best jobs at Disneyland are not at Disneyland. The best jobs are at Walt Disney Imagineering where all of the new rides are designed, but since prerequisites for Imagineering position include degrees in engineering, psychology, and quantum physics, as well as a high tolerance for having your visions crushed by management, you might settle for being a cast member at the Disneyland park. Cast members universally agree that the very best job in the park is that of tram driver. There is a lot of competition for tram-driver positions, so be sure to specifically request it on your application. Just driving the tram is a real kick -- you are out in the parking lot with almost no supervision, so you can just put your pedal to the natural-gas-spewing metal and enjoy your day. If you see a bunch of guest with a lot of strollers, etc., and don't want to disrupt your groove, just take another loop around the parking lot -- another tram will be by for them soon. When the day is over, you can leisurely pick up loads of guest and take them back to the parking garage. No need to hurry. They are going to go home -- who can they complain to?
The InsidEar
 Dear InsidEar,
I would like to become a character at Disneyland, but I have heard that the costumes are extremely hot in the summertime. Is this true?
Cindy
Dear Cindy,
This was true at one time. Walt Disney himself used to select fat candidates for this job so that by the end of the summer, when they had sweated off 30 to 60 pounds it worked out ok. However, since that time we have gone to the moon and back and have seen marvelous breakthroughs in technology. In fact, built into the characters suites is a mini cooling system developed by NASA for the astronauts to use while of the hot side of the moon. These units only weigh about 3 pounds and they pump a frozen gel throughout the suit itself. The suit stays so cold that it is recommended to wear long johns to protect from frostbite.
The InsidEar
 Dear InsidEar,
When I was a boy Walt Disney himself would greet us each week on "The Wonderful World of Color" (which we watched in glorious black and white). He promised us a Disneyland that would always offer exciting new attractions. In fact, on the Disneyland Rail Road they always told us that the area behind Big Thunder Railway (the old mine train area) was going to be used for future expansion of the park.
Now it's 2005 and all we have is an outdated Tomorrowland and a Festival Arena with a former petting zoo! Wow, real excitement. To make matters worse, sitting right across the entryway is a multi-million-dollar DCA theme park! Why have the Disney people slapped us in the face and ignored a lifetime of promises to us? Couldn't the money spent on defacing the old parking lot have been better used to improve Disneyland itself? They have betrayed us, we deserve better than this! I curse their offspring for three generations.
Stanley
Dear Old Guy,
You're counting on a corporation to maintain your childhood dreams? The planet you're from was what again?
The InsidEar
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Please Note -- The InsidEar has been receiving hundreds of request to send tourism information about where to find Fort Smith, The Wal-Mart Visitors Center, Ozark Folk Center State Park, Hot Springs State Park, and the Arkansas State Capitol.
The InsidEar was puzzled by the request, but after a complete investigation was made we discovered the source of the problem. This Website is called InsidEar.com, and we are apparently being found by honestly misguided folks searching for Arkansas Tourist information from "Inside Arkansas" or InsideAR.com. So if you need information about Disneyland, InsidEar.com is the place to go, but if you are vacationing in Arkansas then check out InsideAR.com.
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