May 23, 2005
Muppets Wizard of OZ

First, the InsidEar does not do movie reviews. Second, the InsidEar usually attempts to make light of situations in a humorous satirical manner. Thirdly, since this is my column, and my pockets are not lined with Disney Dollars, I am free to call it as I see it -- so here it goes....

Has The Walt Disney Company totally lost it! Are these execs so out of touch with reality or just desperate to turn a buck? As the InsidEar recalls (back in the old days) when the Muppets made a move you were guaranteed a movie filled wall to wall with side-splitting comedy. A great time would be had by everybody from 5 to 105. But something has gone wrong, terribly wrong...

Flash forward to 2005. America is at war, the economy is tight, more destructive hurricanes are predicted for the southeast. A little lighthearted comedy would be appreciated about now and what do we get? "The Muppets Wizard of Oz." The film starts with Dorothy, a poor black girl living in a trailer park in Kansas, wants to become a star. Later comes the most exciting part of the presentation is found at the intermission when Eisner himself appears gloating "Are you enjoying the film?" The rest of the movie went downhill from there.

Can anyone from the Walt Disney Company explain to me what is memorable and endearing about the beheading of Kermit the Frog and Gonzo? Americans are risking their lives (and being beheaded) and we are supposed to find this amusing? Other issues I will ask, are the sexual advances towards Gonzo by a well built 3D generated female part of Disney's "family values" or just a cheap shot to amuse teenage boys? Oh yeah, and while you were at it, where do you find writers that come up with lines like this: Pepe to Tin Man Gonzo, "What do these knobs do?" Tweak Tweak... Gonzo replies, "Those aren't knobs, those are my nipples." Are these lines from Disney's best and brightest? The Muppets used to stand for something but then Disney used to stand for something also. Too bad.

It would be tempting to blame this whole mess on Ashanti, sure her acting left a lot to be desired (Hint: Ashanti -- try using something other than a blank expression on your face!). But she didn't write this script or direct the screenplay. Apparently scripts get written by a team of Disney Lawyers at the last minute. I would like to suggest they find some funnier lawyers or at least some with some basic common sense.

Anyway, I won't bother you with other details about the plot of the movie. I think I will just rate it a big ZERO and get on with my life.

While I am at it I will give you a "pre-review" of other Disney Movies coming your way.

Chicken Little: Once again Disney shows it's total ineptness at creating a movie in 3D!

Toy Story III: And again Disney shows it's total ineptness at creating a movie in 3D!

Well that about sums it up for my movie reviews, there is bound to be a reason they don't ask me to write more movie reviews but I really can't think of what it could be.

Readers: If I am out of line with the these comments you can hammer me via the Contact page. Or if you feel the same way that I do, let me know that too!

~The InsidEar

Note: The above opinions are those of The InsidEar and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Walt Disney Company, ABC television, or independent wrong-thinking individuals. Disparaging remarks about Michael Eisner, however, are universally agreed upon. All abuses of Muppets have been duly reported to the SPCM.