June 26, 2005
Disneyland raises ticket prices

Last week, Disneyland raised the price of a one-day park admission by three dollars to $56. Said a Disneyland spokesperson of the increase, "Disneyland remains the best theme-park entertainment value in the country, and will continue to be even after ticket prices cross the $100 line in 2010. Some guests have complained about the increase, but it really is insignificant in the overall picture of a family vacation. I mean, what could you buy with that extra $3? A churro?"

Disneyland guest relations has pointed out that annual price increases are a Disneyland tradition, and in the year that the park's 50th anniversary is being celebrated, no tradition can be ignored. Asked why the price was raised twice this year, the cast member responded "We didn't raise admission prices in 1991, so by raising it twice this year we have returned to our one-increase-a-year average."

Die-hard Disneyland fans are concerned that the increase is an omen of a similar increase in the price of annual passes. "Oh, we've got a big surprise in store for annual pass holders," said a Disneyland spokesperson with an evil grin. "Just wait until September. There are going to be a lot of new second mortgages in Southern California."

Speculation that the price increase is largely intended to fund Michael Eisner's upcoming enormous severance payment are entirely credible.