April 6, 2005
Mickey Mouse Cactus Sells on eBay for $37k

On Wednesday, Internet gambling company Goldenpalace.com confirmed that they had purchased a cactus shaped like Mickey Mouse from an eBay auction for $37,000. The company says it plans to take the cactus on a world tour and, "in the current Disney corporate tradition, donate the money to ourselves."

Mortimer Muyser, the original owner of the cactus, says that he has had the plant for more than ten years. "It definitely possesses strange powers," said Muyser. "I've had it for a decade and taken no special steps to preserve it. It's a plant but I hardly ever have to water it. My cat shows preternatural respect for it and doesn't try and eat it like she does my other plants. Also, my cancer is gone, and the leg I lost in the Gulf War grew back."

When asked what he will do with his newfound wealth, Muyser shocked everyone by saying, "I'm going to Disneyland!"

Disney fans have been rabid for the cactus ever since its existence was made known. "This is like Mickey's Moo times three," said one unidentified Mouse fanatic. "It's an icon for changing times. First they started repainting Disneyland, then Eisner announced he was stepping down, then this. If they get back in good with Pixar and put Song of the South out on DVD, I can finally die happy." More than 1.3 million people viewed the auction on eBay, some for hours at a time.

Goldenpalace.com has made headlines in recent months with a number of other large, unusual eBay purchases, including the taxidermied body of a seagull that used to be able to count to four ($3,000), a 2.3 million-year-old fossilized four-leaf clover ($18,000), a Beatle (Ringo; $6,800,000), a personally autographed photo of George W. Bush ($2.95), and a sack of Marilyn Monroe's old underwear ($67,000). "You have no idea how thoroughly we are going to exploit this mouse/cactus thing," said a company spokesperson. "You can't copyright a plant."

Disney's legal department was quick to respond. "We will sue and continue to sue until there is no suing left to be done."