March 14, 2005
Appointment of Iger May Be Illegal

In a surprise announcement Monday morning, the federal government announced that the Walt Disney Company's appointment of Robert Iger to replace exiting CEO Michael Eisner may run afoul of President Bush's ban on human cloning.

Disney was quick to respond to the charges. "This is completely ridiculous," said Eisner. "Bob and I may both be white guys with dark hair, and we may dress alike and completely agree on every detail of how the company should be run, but really we are very little alike."

"Ditto," said Iger, who often refers to Eisner as "Daddy."

The company has asked that press refrain from referring to Iger as "Mini Mike," at least until DNA tests can be completed.

Potential legal problems are not the only difficulties Disney faces with its appointment of Iger. Dissident Disney shareholders at SaveDisney.com released a statement questioning Disney's executive search procedure, claiming that it was rigged for Iger's selection. Save Disney claims that Disney

• Allowed Eisner to be in the room during candidate interviews, and that Eisner would nod or shake his head to indicate how questions should be answered. Rumor is that Eisner would sing "La la la la I'm not listening" really loud when candidates did not follow his directions.
• Offered potential CEOs a payment package that included pay at 20% above minimum wage and an annual bonus paid in theme park merchandise, and asked them to personally assume all of Disney's debt.
• Told candidates that, if accepted for the position, their face would become "the world-wide icon of the Fox family channel."

"These allegations are completely baseless," said a Disney spokesperson. "Our executive search was extensive and included a wide range of candidates, including many of our current CEO's friends and relatives and some lady from eBay. In the end, Michael Eisner himself asked people all around the office who they thought should replace him, and everyone who is still with us chose Robert Iger."