April - June 2005
InsidEar readers' own unverifiable facts
May 12, 2005
Everyone knows about Lucky, the first free-roaming audio animatronic.
Sure he's a dinosaur. But in reality, it's a plan to out souce all of
the Disney Cast Members to India. You see, once Lucky is perfected,
human audio-animatronics will be produced to acutally take the jobs
that Cast Members currently do. As you know, these free-roaming AA
creatures need remote guidance, so a CM center will be set up
somewhere in India where Disney will hire people to remote control
these new AA CMs.
It's all part of Disney's plan to outsource everything they possibly can.
April 1, 2005
The first new Walt Disney World attraction to be designed and built completely under CEO Robert Iger was announced today. It will be a seasonal overlay to an existing attraction, similar to Disneyland's Haunted Mansion Holiday and It‘s a Small World Holiday. From July 2008 until January 2009, the Hall of Presidents at the Magic Kingdom park will become the Hall of Not Quite Presidents, and will feature Audio-Animatronics figures of candidates who were unable to secure the highest office in the land.
"We're really excited about this project," Iger said. "There are several reasons why doing this makes sense. First of all, this attraction's popularity has been declining ever since it opened in 1971 and it has acquired a reputation for being somewhat boring. This will freshen it up and make people take a second look at it. We're also hoping it will generate more interest in politics for our guests. We're hoping they'll look at some of these people and think, 'If I don't vote, some of these whackos might wind up being president.' We're not trying to tell people how to vote, just that it's important that they do vote."
Voters of the past century might recognize former Presidential candidates such as Eugene Debs, Strom Thurmond, Barry Goldwater, Hubert Humphrey, Walter Mondale, Michael Dukakis, Bob Dole, Al Gore, and, the most recent addition to the list, John Kerry. The show will be hosted by left-wing lunatic Ralph Nader and right-wing nutjob Ross Perot since there is no possibility of either ever winning an election. All the audio animatronics will be new, state-of-the-art, and life-sized, from the 18” tall Dukakis (who may be hidden partially behind Bob Dole's leg) to the over 8' high John Kerry. Instead of a coherent series of speeches as the Hall of Presidents has traditionally had, the Hall of Not Quite Presidents will feature a more exciting, insane, and angry series of remarks from the various candidates. Here is a short segment from the script, which is still a work in progress:
GORE: If anyone here even thinks about touching the lockbox, I'll kill you!
KERRY: Don't worry Al; I have a plan.
DOLE: Can you keep it down over there? Bob Dole's trying to take a nap!
MONDALE: You know he's going to raise your taxes, right?
GOLDWATER: Can we nuke something already?
If the overlay proves to be popular, it will likely brought back for six to eight months during every presidential election period. Imagineers are also considering a similar overlay to Disneyland’s Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln, having it become Great Moments with Pat Buchanan and Al Sharpton for two months every year to celebrate Halloween. Any plans for Disneyland’s show, however, will have to wait until after its Golden Anniversary celebration and initial public reaction to the Florida attraction.
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