Pixar Buys Disney

In an amazing turn of events, Pixar animation company has purchased 51% of Disney's stock, effectively giving them complete control of the entertainment giant. Wall Street immediately went insane.

"This is a disaster," said one analyst. "If Pixar applies its philosophy to Disney, we may see shareholder value take a back seat to such nebulous concepts as 'story' and 'guest experience' -- things you can't even begin to attach a dollar value to. Have you seen the enormous paint bills at Disneyland since that new guy took over? I tell you, it's just a drop in the bucket."

Disney feature animation employees were informed that they would now experience a minimum of interference from management in exchange for more responsibility for their work product. The few remaining long-time employees were so overjoyed that one of them actually had a mild stroke. Newer hires were apparently overwhelmed by the news and unsure how they would proceed with so much creative freedom.

Simultaneously with this announcement, Apple Computers announced that a huge variety of ABC and ESPN shows would soon be available for purchase through iTunes, as would "a vast collection of classic Disney television." Fans look forward to watching Zorro on their black iPods.

Rumors of a wrecking crew gathering outside of Disney's California Adventure are completely unsubstantiated.