The Ear is Back

I had to step away from the computer for a few minutes, and what with accidentally kicking the refrigerator and spilling my drink and summer and all, I'm afraid that I let a bit too much time pass between updates. Anyway, sorry about the nine months of silence. I'll try and avoid letting that happen again.

So, skipping everything that happened during that time, here's what's new on the Disney theme-park scene.

Back to the Future

The rising-from-the-ground stage in Tomorrowland has reopened. Gone is Club Buzz and in its place is the old Tomorrowland Terrace. Who knew that they still had all those old decorations around? Long-time fans of Disneyland are pleased to see the stage return to its roots and look forward to many happy evenings of listening to cover bands sing family friendly versions of current hits like "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor," and "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy."

Halloween at Disneyland Resort

Disneyland management decided that with record income, everything in good shape, and Michael Eisner gone the park just isn't inherently scary any more, so they're doing some actual decorating for Halloween this year. Decorations at Disneyland include:

• The floral Mickey at the front of the park has been replaced by a Mickey created entirely out of gourds. A topiary Ferdinand the Bull stands nearby, completing the "Mickey is gourd" (sic.) theme.
• There are decorations all down Main Street, U.S.A., including pumpkins on the lamp posts, pumpkins in the shop windows, a gigantic pumpkin standing where the Christmas tree usually goes (in fact, careful observers will see that the pumpkin has actually crushed the now-flattened tree), pumpkins on building eves and roves, and pumpkin replacing meat in all eateries, to complement the pumpkin-flavored popcorn and churros.
• Next week Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln will return, but he'll be headless and have a pumpkin wearing a stove-pipe hat under his arm.
• The Haunted Mansion has been rethemed as Haunted Mansion Holiday, completely ruining all the ride plusses that were installed a few months ago. Also, this year's decision to fill the Mansion's ballroom with Halloween-themed rubber "'pumpkin" balls for the same of a lame pun might have sounded good on paper, but is just plain sad in reality.
• Big Thunder Ranch has been converted to Alameda Slim's Halloween Roundup. In keeping with the theme, all of the petting zoo goats have been replaced by fainting goats that go stiff and fall over when startled. It's funny to watch them whenever an unattractive person with a belly shirt walks by.

Disney's California Adventure has not escaped what Disney Marketing is calling "Halloweefeever" (for some reason). The sun wheel now sports a domino mask, and the Boudin Bakery tour sports a film featuring the always horrifying Rosie O'Donnell, but the biggest change was made to the Golden Dreams theater. Golden Dreams is now Golden Screams, and instead of showing a film on the history of California starring Whoopie Goldberg (terrifying though it was), it now screens a brand-new feature on the most horrifying moments of California Adventure's past. These include the look on the faces of all the people who stayed in line all night to be the first in the park when it opened, people at mid-day wondering why there was nothing left to do, a complete ride through of Superstar Limo, and much more. Oh, and just for fun, during the month of October the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror will run backwards, ramming loads of guests into the building's ceiling at high speed.

Year of a Million Dreams

The Year of a Million Dreams event has gotten off to a slow start. Rumors have it that, even though the event was promised to be huge, some cutbacks may have to be made. We hear that "Year of Ninety Thousand Dreams, Give or Take a Thousand" shirts and other media are being prepared, just in case.

By the way, one of the big prizes in this contest is a night's stay in Sleeping Beauty's castle. As wonderful as this sounds, keep in mind that the inside of the castle is a bare storage area, infested with rats and spiders. If you win, pack a sleeping bag and get your shots.

Tween to Get "High"

The High School Musical Pep Rally premieres in Disney's California Adventure this week, to entertain teenagers and make adults say, "Huh?"

The Autopia to be Made Sub Standard

The Autopia is now closed. It turns out that the new submarine ride required more space than originally anticipated, so part of the Autopia is being reworked. When it's done, the Autopia will actually pass through the submarine lagoon, possibly in some kind of Holland Tunnel-type affair.

Hairy Matters

Note that the Matterhorn is still closed for the abominable snowman's annual shampoo. It's apparently taking longer than usual because much to the annoyance of Imagineers, the monster is demanding a perm.

Vault Walt

Early this month, Disney's Vault 28 will open in Downtown Disney. The cutting-edge clothing store, themed as a vault of Disney's rarities, will have as its showcase the (simulated) frozen body of a certain Uncle Walt.